


Stop.

by tbjzlvzn



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen, sidemen - Fandom
Genre: BIG WARNING!, Gen, Platonic Harry/Tobi, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:02:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbjzlvzn/pseuds/tbjzlvzn
Summary: In which Harry finds comfort in self harm, and becomes addicted.
Relationships: Harry Lewis/Tobi Brown
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Stop.

**Author's Note:**

> Big self harm warning! If you’re sensitive to this topic please do not read !!

Stop.

It's all Harry wanted to hear.

Wanted to say.

Wanted to do.

But he somehow found himself continuing  
with the task in hand. He didn't know   
how to stop. He was doing what he knew  
best in times like these, he knew nothing more than a cheap flimsy blade across his hips or thighs. Which depended on what he fancied covering.

Harry understood he had a problem,  
god he understood that years ago. It all started during an episode, scratching   
at his bare wrists until they were raw  
and bloody. That's when he realised that he liked the way it felt.

The constant burning, the feeling of  
warm blood running over his pale hands   
and trickling down to the bathroom tiles   
he sat upon. The way it was the only   
thing he could feel in that moment, and how it blocked everything else out. 

Everything else had come to a stop. The constant lump in his throat had disappeared and dissolved into a dryness from the lack of water he had taken in that day. 

The tightness of his chest had finally relieved itself, suddenly his breathing was much steadier and breaths were easier to take in.

The thumping in his head that never seemed to go away was merely a light drum in the back of head which beat along with his pulse.

He felt alive and free for the first time  
in so long. It gave him everything any  
ordinary drug couldn't. His normally very loud thoughts had gone mute. Nothing making all these nasty comments. Nothing telling him to pull all these crazy stunts. Just complete and utter silence, and it was all he had ever asked for.

So now Harry sat on the bathroom floor  
against the cool wall, chasing those same  
feelings or lack there of. His sweatpants which he had been wearing previously  
that day we're thrown in a messy pile   
along with his hoodie which he had removed. He quite enjoyed the feeling of the cold tiles   
against his skin.

This time he had chose to do both his   
hips and thighs, which was an unusual   
occurrence for the man. Normally he  
would stick to one area and focus on it,  
but instead he wanted to completely cover his canvas and leave no space for next time. Although that meant more space to him, more space for even more harm.

Harry loved the way the cuts looked  
on his body. The deep red that seeped  
out of them in contrast to his fair skin was beautiful to him. Each pull of the blade was another line drawn with lead on a sketchbook. Each line would piece together to create a masterpiece. Although he wasn't too sure of his masterpiece yet,  
probably his inevitable death.

Downstairs however, was a bustling party for the sidemen group and their friends. No particular occasion at all really. JJ quite enjoyed the party life so this became a weekly thing. Most of the boys would be drunk or high off their asses for the entire   
weekend. Tobi and Harry being the exceptions.

Tobi preferred not to drink so he would stand casually in the corner with an apple juice carton and overlook each of the boys, acting as a parent figure whilst Josh was having fun. And well, you know what Harry does.

By now most people had begun to leave JJ's rather loud gathering, and the music had gone down a significant amount in volume. Finally some peace for his poor ears. He reached over and grabbed his phone which lay flat in the pile of clothes. 

He simply didn’t care about the bloody finger prints that were now smeared across his screen. The time read 2:03AM  
which was an average time for the party to end.

Harry decided to sit for a few more minutes. Normally he would've gotten up and cleaned & bandaged all the marks and been back in bed by now. He always ensured that he left no trace of his previous actions as to not scare the rest. He knew they'd blame themselves and that's the last thing he wanted.

But he continued to sit on the now crimson stained floor basking in the peace he was surrounded by while it lasted. He knew that a very drunk Ethan would be making his attempt to get up the stairs by himself anytime soon.

What he didn't know was that he was going to come barging into the main bathroom. which he had made his designated spot as it was very spacious and held all the cleaning products he'd need to clean up whatever mess he made.

Harry had assumed he'd locked the door.  
Emphasis on the assumed. Quicker than he could even blink Ethan had slammed open the door and slumped through it, catching himself on the edge of the counter before he could collide with the floor. His eyes widened as he regained the slight bit of dizzy vision he had seeing Harry on the floor.

"h-hOLY FUCK-"

Tobi being the only sober one left was the first to hear Ethan's distressed shout and immediately took off in the direction of his voice. He stopped immediately in his tracks when his eyes landed on what was inside the bathroom. He clasped a boney hand over his mouth in shock, to stop any noise from leaving it.

Harry had now tucked his knees up into his chest despite the stinging of recent wounds and buried his face into his arms. He didn't know wether he wanted to cry or scream. Or maybe both. But he held it back to spare himself from at least a little of embarrassment. It had already filled him right up to the top almost bubbling over the edge.

"Harry love what on earth have you  
done to yourself"

That is where he lost it. Now he didn't care who heard or saw him. He screamed and he sobbed somehow all at once. Ethan was scared for his life which Tobi took notice of.

"mate go get the first aid kit yeah"

The man was quick to scramble to his feet and exit the room. Although the heavy dosage of alcohol was still coursing through his veins the scene was enough to put a blanket over his intoxicated brain creating some sort of barrier of common sense.

After cleaning up his lower half, Tobi helped Harry back to his room which was annoyingly at the end of the hall. But now he didn't see it as a minor inconvenience he saw it as a safety hazard, mentally noting that he would try swap rooms with one of the others just so he could keep check.

The man sat on the edge of his bed until he finally drifted off into what seemed to be a peaceful slumber. He double checked five whole times that he was asleep just incase. He needed to go clean the bathroom before another poor unfortunate   
soul discovers the horrid scene.

~

It had been two months since Harry's 'incident' as Tobi liked to call it. Only him and Ethan knew about that night and Harry intended to keep it that way. No matter how many times Tobi told him he shouldn't be ashamed of what he's been   
through, he couldn't help but still be embarrassed. He had to be literally babied at his ripe old age of 24 and he hated every minute of it.

Well of course not every minute. He loved when Tobi would lay there and hold him and hum a gentle tune until he had calmed down again or cuddled him to sleep. No he didn't like Tobi like that, but the constant  
attention, love and affection was all that he truly wanted and now he had it.

And it came in the form of Tobi


End file.
